Shining a Light on Your Flaws

Trauma can make a person feel insignificant and overwhelmed by problems around them. Like in the book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. The main character Melinda is struggling with the aftermath of a sexual assault. After calling the police at the party where she was raped by a Senior named Andy Evans, Melinda loses her friends and earns a reputation as the girl who ended that party and called the police. No one knows the truth and Melinda is too scared to speak it. As she struggles to make friends and deal with her dysfunctional family, the reader can learn that being exposed to something traumatic can open up your eyes to a whole new world of obstacles.

Often, you end up paying attention to details much more after trauma, almost like a light has been turned on. After Melinda loses her group of friends, she has to pay close attention to her surroundings while staying inconspicuous and making sure she isn't noticed. This is shown when she says "My cafeteria strategy has changed since I have no friends in the known universe. First off, I don't go through the line for anything to avoid that vulnerable moment of coming out of the lunchroom, that moment when every head lifts and evaluates: friend, enemy, or loser." Also, when Melinda sees her assaulter at a doughnut shop, she has to run away without buying anything. Melinda has to live her live constantly afraid of the truth and the light that is shining directly on it. She doesn't know how to tell people her story, in fear of being mocked, ridiculed, or worst of all, not believed. In fact,  Melinda's art teacher, Mr. Neck is often her only source of strength. I know what it feels like to be cautious and self conscious of every single detail, even when the people around you don't really care. Melinda is fighting a war with herself, inside of her head and she's all alone

When put through an experience as traumatic as Melinda's it's almost as if you are shrinking and the problems around you are growing bigger. You have to think about so many small things you didn't take into account before. Today, so many people are struggling with their mental health and won't accept or don't have access to help. People in Melinda's situation are stuck in an extremely difficult place and that place is often impossible to get out of. Throughout the plot of the book, Melinda is fighting a war with herself, inside of her head and she's all alone in doing so. She's scared to do something big that will make a change of to reach out and find someone in her situation. Listening to your own opinions of yourself will just bring you down while having moral support from others can save you from a dark maze that always brings you to a dead end.